How to exclude trolls – or not

How to exclude trolls from your blog I don't dare to approve comments

Just need to say! You, who have written me a comment that you really mean; I’m so grateful.

Reading through the comments I notice that several of the comments are a repeat of another with just two words changed or the nice have changed name. Just a few examples. I hope you understand that I don’t dare to accept all comments since I’m

  1. scared of getting hacked
  2. don’t dare to believe that someone really means what they’re saying, I believe it’s a troll
  3. I’m scared of feeling stupid due to me believing that someone read my blogpost and liked it

I do hope you understand me and that you can forgive me!

To everyone that has read my blogposts I'm truly grateful!!! I really appreciate you and I'm hoping that I will help you out in some way!

Barn- och ungdomsyoga är rörelseglädje

Barnyoga för alla

Alla barn, oavsett om de har fysiska hinder eller ej, kan yoga. Detta är något som jag brinner för! Tyvärr gör min MS att jag brinner ganska långsamt men min plan är att jag ska kunna hjälpa barn- och ungdomar med olika fysiska hinder att yoga om det är något de vill göra!

 För barn upp till ca 10 års ålder brukar det vara roligast att knyta an övningar till olika övningar där de får föreställa sig att de är djur, i vardagssituationer, i olika miljöer eller kanske platser. För de yngre kan de med fördel göra yoga i form av en saga.

Även barn utan fysiska hinder är individuella och övningarna kan behövas anpassas till individen. Framför allt gäller det också för barn med fysiska hinder; någon som kanske måste sitta på en stol och yoga eller som är rullstolsburen. Men ALLA kan yoga! Ett barn med fysiska hinder kan dock behöva assistans i vissa övningar (beroende på deras hinder). Detta skapar dock ett ypperligt tillfälle för föräldrar, syskon, mor- och farföräldrar, pedagoger eller sjukvårdspersonal att hitta på något mysigt tillsammans med, umgås med, barnet.

Många gånger kallas yogan för ‘rörelseglädje’ när vi talar om yoga för barn och yngre äldre barn då orden yoga kan vara laddat på olika sätt. ‘Flummigt’ är en värdeladdning ordet ‘yoga kan ha…

Under uppbyggnad…

Min tanke är att i framtiden ha grupper där vi på något vis träffas och yogar,  har rörelseglädje, tillsammans. I någon form. Då tänker jag framför allt på barn med någon form av fysiska hinder. Stötta föräldrar och barn och ha roligt tillsammans. I väntan på det kommer här ett litet smakprov på en yogasaga i juletid.

Och nej, jag är inte så sur och arg som jag ser ut. Fråga min make: jag har ett väldigt bestämt ansikte utan att vara sur… Men jag skrattar ofta och gärna och då ser jag inte så sur ut. Får passa på att säga att jag är inte proffs på att filma varför mina ögon ser lite otäcka ut på filmen. Bara en liten varning.

 

How to manage you failing to reach your 2020 goals?

Or is it really a failure? Isn't it just you learning about yourself and your

ability to adapt to new circumstances?

Goal assessment for 2020
All of you probably wonder ‘ what the *biiip* happened this year? You had plans and thoughts for this new decade, your family, your friends, your hobbies, your workouts etc, etc. How did you manage seeing your plans just float away with this pandemic flue? Did you revise your goals, adapt them after this new situation or did you float away too with the pandemic, not bothering to even try to set up things you wanted for yourself and your close ones?

Feelings of guilt

I do feel guilty for writing a post when I haven’t looked at your comments for… I don’t no when. ‘Feeling guilty’ is something I’ve been working hard with for years, but I’m guilty of ‘feeling guilt’ about most things in life. In the goals I wrote for this year I wanted to get rid of ‘feeling guilty’ and always ask my self ‘why didn’t I say/do what ever it was about’? I’m still working on that goal.

But I do feel disappointed that I’ve had to prioritize other areas of my life when I know that amongst all those spams are comments that warms my heart. And soul! Thank you all that have made so kind comments! When I started to blog it wasn’t about comments, it was about hopefully help someone with some aspect of having a chronic illness so these kind comments I’ve gotten are a bonus for me!

Me not having the time to go thru your comments has made me stay away from the computer and just write ‘a little something’. I’ve felt, and am still feeling, ungrateful for your comments. But I want to say to you, from the bottom of my heart; THANK YOU!!! I will read them.

2020, do I need to say more?

Well, this year has been strange for all human inhabitants of this world in some way or form. It has given me experiences that I didn’t even imagine me having to experience, not only the experience of a Pandemic flue. I’ve felt my body decay due to anemia that prevented me from doing heartbeat-increasing workout. That lead to even more decreasing of my physics… When I’ve gotten my two bags of blood, my first transfusions ever, I was  not in a good shape. On top of that I’ve had a cold more than I’ve been healthy from the beginning to the end of this ‘God forgotten year’. So now I’m not in a good shape. Though, importantly, I’m still able to walk a couple of kilometers. And I’ve been working out more frequently now than in the beginning of the year. But I really need to get better working on my cardio.

The pandemics effect on my family life

It caused that I wasn’t able to visit a close ones deathbed. He lived more than two hours away from us – and due to the COVID regulations and me being in a risk group, I wasn’t able to go there. And I missed his funeral.

My daughter have been to school via the computer at home. It meant that I’ve gotten the role as teacher every now and then on subjects I’ve needed to read about to be able to help her at least a little. I can’t deny that I’ve appreciated having her home to some amount. She’s so old now! I can’t fully get that to my mind.

My sons school has been open since he’s still in compulsory school. But for even the simplest cold he had to stay home due to the risk of having the COVID. The same goes for my husband – for the simplest cold he’s had to stay home from work. Me being cold almost all the time is probably the one who has spread the colds… But I don’t get how I’ve gotten them? I’ve been isolated due to COVID almost all the time!!!

Thankfully none of us have tested positive for COVID! Even though the kids have classmates or classmates families that have tested positive. And my daughter have been out with friends to restaurants, shopping malls and partys… I do understand why COVID increased in those ages. They don’t really seems to get the urgency staying home. Yet me, my childrens grandparents and my sister in law are in risk groups. This has caused me a lot of headaches due to the fact me not being listened to when it comes to the importance of not being out and about.

Not being able to meet family and friends

This causes pain in your soul, as you probably have noticed. The fact that we live in one of Swedens rainiest citys hasn’t facilitated meeting others. It is not just to decide ‘we’ll meet then out there’. It isn’t fun being outdoors freezing and wet… Sure, FaceTime, ordinary phone calls, have been used, but it is not the same thing. Better than nothing. But my best friend isn’t quite comfortable with ‘that kind of dates’ so… Miss her! Met her for ten minutes outdoors when I gave her my christmas present.

I miss my sister and her family. Since her wife is more sensitive than me for infections and since I’ve been having colds all the time… 

But…

Before the pandemic showed up and in-between the periods of stricter rules I’ve been able to meet some friends. And my sister and her son was here for a short visit at my parents house. So they came to my house and met my family out on our wooden deck and had coffee. We had to have warm clothes since it was in the beginning of autumn but it was cozy! And her son, now 7 years, and my kids 18 and 14 years had a great time!

On Christmas day we met up with my husbands parents, two of his brothers with their families and significant others to two of my childrens cousins. We were down by the lake where my husband and his brothers grew up and   grilled a lot of sausages. 

 

The positive side of COVID

Can’t believe that I’m saying this, but yes, there is a positive side. And no, I would still prefer that the COVID never existed.

So what is it about this years experiences that have been positive? Well, the likelihood of being outdoors this much just to see friends and family would not have been without COVID. We would have met indoors instead. Getting air is healthy 😉

Goalsetting

I wouldn’t have thought this much about what’s important to me. The goals I set before  this year have been examined thoroughly during the year. Instead of getting disappointed in myself for not getting toward my goals I’ve tried to think ‘how can I do this differently to get closer to my goals?’ . Some of my goals I’ve just crossed over and written ‘COVID’ or ‘Anemia’ or something else.

 

Mäkse Life Planning

I’ve really gotten in to the concept that Serena from Mäkse Life uses in her planner. I can’t recommend her planner enough! This content and her recommendations of how to look on the goals your setting up; that they aren’t cut in stone. They need to be revisited and possibly revised or deleted. Watch her Youtube-channel! I’m using a bullet journal instead of her planner since it costs a lot to get her planner to Sweden and I’m not particularly full of cash… There’s a lot of materials that she offers for free and with the help from that material I’ve been able to integrate her method in my Bujo.

 

Why, why, why do we need to set goals and always plan

No, we don’t. You can fly with *what ever the saying is in English* and take the day completely as it comes. In some way that is just what COVID made us do. But for me it keeps me reminding myself why I want to achieve something and how I’m able to get there. This ‘why’ is so important to me. The things I do should be something that me or my family gains something from. I need to do my workout, yoga, meditation to keep my body as healthy as this *biiiip* body of mine is able to be. And since I feel better doing workout, yoga, meditation I get an easier person to live with and maybe I’ll also become a funny person to share a house with…

Just an example of how I think. Our life is so different compared to many other families. Im not saying that they don’t have struggles, but their struggles are unique to them.

Our struggles are unique to us. And by having my goals for me and my family in mind I can plan mine and my family days in away that they are less burdensome.

My family’s struggling with me becoming more and more a disable person who’s not able to do things or go places where I’m use to. We went out for a walk in the nature by the lake we live by. Where we went is a very beautiful place and the hike there is filling up your energy level. But this time…

Our walk that would have taken my family 15-20 minutes to take ended taking an endless time because of my body. In the end my husband more or less had to drag me towards the parking. And at the final end he put me on a stone beside the road and got the car in which our kids and dog had already been for a long time. 

I cried and I cried. The people in the windshield where I was sitting had seen me the last meters so deep inside I figured out that they felt for me. But as I sat there I felt nothing but pity from them. That made e cry even more. But mostly I cried because I now knew that I never would be able to hike there again considering the narrow paths, stones and roots. 

And now my goals comes in place…

Figuring out my bodys capabilities as it is ‘right now’ has been one of my goals. I have added a walking stick when I’m walking to enable me taking walks despite my bad balance. I’m taking longer and more often breaks than I had to before. I’ve changed my workout so it fits my physical abilities. I’ve changed at what time I’m going to bed and when I get up so I will get the most out of my days accordingly to what my body allows. 

I’ve changed so much that when some days had passed from this defat  at Helgö (the place of our hike) I thought “are you just accepting this? You love the lake, you love to walk in the forrest! Are you just letting these things go without trying new ways, other ways, to enable these kind of hikes?”

Result of setting goals

My goals forced me to become me again. Me, who finds solutions. Not giving up without a fight (which I’ve tended to do many times). I tried to work when the body said ‘no’. I found a new way to get myself a meaning when I’m not able to work. No, I sat down and went through what had hindered me on this hike. And I found ways to manage those hinders and I will damn it try these options before I call it a quit!!! I will be back there. Bringing a large thermos with coffee (with milk) and something good to chew on and a blanket to sit on. That this hike normally would take 15-20 minutes aren’t important. I just to have to made sure that it can take a couple of hours to do this. But it’s oh so worth it! You should see that place in the spring. Or in the summer. The birds, the green trees, the forest flowers, the rocks going into the water. It’s a perfect place to recharge your batteries. Especially if you have a body and mind as I.

 

What do I really want to achieve with this post???

My intentions this year were to share more about being chronically ill and how you can make your day less horrible. Maybe to be able to help a significant others to someone who’s ill and I wanted my ‘yoga business’ to get going. But the helpful posts have been few and my income from my business is zero. No, I’ve had to revise my goals a lot this year. But I’ve managed to do 4 short films about yoga for children in wheelchair. Another day I’ll try to post at least one of them.

But for now;

I wish you all a happy ending of this strange and shitty year and a considerably better new year!!! Just bring on 2021 - I think I'm ready for it.

I’m genuinely apologizing to you!

I didn’t mean to disappear like this! I didn’t plan being away this long nt writing or reading and responding to comments.

My physical status have gone crazy; it has just went down and continued doing so. With this short post I just want to shortly explain that right now I’ve been forced to change my priorities – I’m just doing what my body allows which is not much… I spend most of my days in bed right now and I’m in the beginning of my doctors ‘investigations’ of what’s wrong. So I don’t know if I’m like this because my MS has gotten worse or if it’s some kind of virus or bacteria that’s messing me up. This moment I’m waiting for the answers from my test for bacteria in my urine and on my Cover -19-test. Not until I get answer of my Covid-test I’ll be able to leave the prescribed blood tests. That is if my Covid-test is negative…

You just have to love Covid… Me being cold most of this year hasn’t helped things out. But at least I haven’t had Covid! Yet, that is.

My intentions and hopes are that I will read all comments and I still want to have ‘yoga classes’ on my YouTube channel. But the lack of strength in my muscles, it feels as if they are filled with jelly, and the fatigue is killing me.

I beg of your forgiveness and pleas be patient with me and this blog. I need to learn whether this state of mine is going to stay or, hopefully, temporary. When I know I will tell. Maybe I can make short posts like this, not caring about SEO, keywords or the look of the post. But just to show you how I tackle my oh so tired days.

Bye for now. Yours sincerely,

Fina.


PS! The worst thing about the picture above is that it really shows what I look like…

I AM here. I AM now.

March 31, 2020

I cherished a moment. A moment I never would have gotten if it hadn’t been for Covid -19 invading our earth.

My son have had a headache since yesterday. I know that he doesn’t eat what he needs to; not for breakfast and not eating what they serve at school. And on top of that he doesn’t sleep the amount of hours he needs to. 2 big reasons for why he’s got headache. But now it’s Covid-time so despite the facts that he haven’t got fever and I know why he’s got headache I couldn’t send him to school. And I know he’s tiredness and headaches and an open door to our balcony are the reasons for him freezing, but still,  I can’t send him to school. Because in a worse case scenario; he’s been invaded by Covid and then they sertainly not want him at school.

I sat on our couch watching the last episode of Westwood under a blanket. I asked if I wanted to join me under the blanket since he was cold. To my big surprise my 14 years old boy said yes.

He leaned his head against my stomach and thigh and I shared and put the blanket around his upper body. He had put on the hood on his hoodie but I could still “fiddle” with his fringe. I “fiddled” his fringe and I gently stroke his forehead, his temples at the same time as we watched the tv. Soon I came to watch almost solely him. For now it’s moments like this that I need to be present. Partly because he is so big now that he might never again, or at least during several years, be so close to me or leaning that way against me. Or let me “fiddle” with his fringe and stroke his forehead.

I studied his hair, saw that is now ash-blond. It is more bristly now compared to when he was younger. It’s texture is now more like his fathers hair. On his templets, where his hair is much shorter, his hair is almost white. That kind of white that small children can have. Not as the white his grandfather hair has. His “toddler-skin”, the skin that felt like you stroke a really soft fleece blanket, has been replaced with a teens bumpy skin. Even though he’s hardly been out in the sun his skin has started to get tanned. He’s that kind of person the whole family envy; he thinks about the son and then gets tanned as a swedish gingerbread man.

His breathing was barely audible but I saw his hoodie lift and go down over his stomach. I could feel the scent of his perfume. I didn’t know if he had put that on that morning or if it was in his hoodie from the day before. But it’s fragrance was wonderful and masculine. At the same time it reminded me of a perfume that I saved money so I could buy it when I was his age. It was called “Puzzle” and I loved it! So when his perfume reminded me of a masculine version of my perfume I was filled with a calmness inside of me. At the same time I got that kind of pain in my chest that only an overwhelming feeling can cause.

His long, incredible long, eyelashes flickered a little before his eyes shut entirely. Couldn’t stop staring at him. I saw how his eyelids was moving in pace with his eyes under them. What did he dream about? The wings of his nose was slightly dilated when he breathed in and the noises the breaths made made me realize that he’d inherited his fathers narrow nasal passages.

I kept on stroking his hair, his forehead, tempels, the outside of his septum and cheeks.

Breathed in his scent and his sleeping sounds. I enjoyed! Picture that this big boy, whose head just had been covering the palm of my hand, now is almost a grown man. How can this be “my little boy”?  He’s now taller than I am.

The thought of this may be the last time that I got to have him sleeping on my lap slapped me in my face. Punched me in my stomach. Tightened it’s fists around my heart. Made my eyes filling up and over. Had to take the arms of my pyjamas to dry my tears. And when the sobbing came and even my nose threatened to drip down on him my breathing changed. This woke him up, he looked at me and asked what it was. “Nothing”, I replied but the spell was broken. My moment with him was over. He was awake and I understood that he know wanted to sit up. Me I had to rush to the closest papercloth.

Life, children, the earth. Everything are spinning so fast. Passes so quickly.But I managed to seize a moment, get some joy this day, despite me carrying a heavy burden. I’ve now seen that it’s possible – not to seize a day but at least seizing a moment of the day.

Thank you Sanna for the practices in mindfulness and meditations! I’m now going to take back my life that’s been stolen from me. If someone is going to rule my life it’s me!

Thank you Sanna for the practices in mindfulness and meditation! I’m now gonna take back my life that’s been stolen from me. Circumstances, family,  events and other people are always gonna dictate how much of I will be able to govern. But the post as boss of my life that post I will be filling that. With me. Instantaneously.

 

But please! Don’t ask me a month from now how it works out for the boss of my life. Or ask what the boss thinks of me and the other employees. There’s an impending risk that she doesn’t like the organisation she ended up in..

Falling into the positivity-trap

It's funny how everybody considers honesty a virtue, yet no one wants to hear the truth.
heartfeltquotes.blogspot.com

Falling into the Positivity Trap 

I really fell into the ‘always be positive trap’! I started this blog to help others thru their chronic illnesses by charing information and advices of how to manage all those side effects of our illnesses. I started to scan blogs and websites about all topics that are relevant when having a chronic illness. And then I lost my track…

 When a full-blown anxiety-attack strikes

What do you do when you have an full-blown anxiety-attack and none of your coping-methods help? Or, as in my case, I didn’t want to use my coping-methods. So tired of always having to fight these dark thoughts.

The cause of my anxiety-attack was all the stuff I need to deal with. All these everyday-stuff. Wife-stuff. Mother-stuff. Daughter-stuff. Being a good friend-stuff. With the difference that everyone around me, and me, are being affected of an illness that I have dragged into our lives. These issues gives me feelings of being the one to blame for all negativity, guilt. And I feel worthless as a mother and wife. My upbringing of our kids have totally failed. Just the upbringing of our two years old dog, Wille. They would be better off without me.

I know that these thoughts are dangerous for me and hurtful for those around me. I’ve already acted the wrong way to these feelings once time (took my life in August 2019 – I couldn’t even do that correctly). I Made a promise to my kids and husband that I would never do that again so I can’t use that as a coping strategy…

So what did I do when I had this full-blown anxiety-attack? In the end I’d used a combo of bad coping strategies and  good coping strategies. The bad coping strategy– took extra sleeping-pills to fall asleep faster. I couldn’t stand letting that day include more minutes. (I know how many too much I can take without my body shutting off. I DO ADVICE YOU TO NOT DO THE SAME THING!!! How we respond to medications are very individual and you may have a more potent medication for sleeping-disorders than I do!!!)

My good coping strategy: Did my breathing techniques which makes me calm since I have to put my focus on my breathing. This is not easy! Practice this when you are calm. Preferably every day. If you then have an anxiety-attack you will get use of all your practices.

It’s strange, but every time I’ve had an attack like this, the morning after the deepest darkness is gone. On the other hand – the day after can start with someone triggering these emotions again and a new anxiety-attack flares up. Hopefully one of my coping strategies has a result that time.

Nobody wants to see and read on Instagram about misery.

Our wonderful, Corona-infected, world don’t want to read about the ugly truth. Let’s play the ‘pretend game’ where everyone are rich, beautiful and oh, so happy!!! I slipped in to that game for a second and now I’m turning that game off.  That game can be fun to play for a while, but when you realize that many of those other players ARE rich, beautiful and happy and they doesn’t give a fu** about you, or how fun  you think that game is… That game isn’t for you. ‘

I know that you choose how you want to respond to things you see and that it’s your responsibility to know what’s real and what’s just showing off. But it’s difficult. Especially when you have so low self-esteem as I have very often nowadays. That feeling of inadequacy hasn’t to do with the feeling ‘I wish I travelled’, ‘I wish I was rich’ or ‘I wish I had such a fancy dinner’. No, my feeling of inadequacy has to do with me not being able to give my kids as other kids seems to be getting. At least according to Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest or what social media you watch.

Be positive!

It is not ok to feel down and think that life sucks. That your paycheck sucks. That the politicians sucks. That being sick sucks. That everyday-life, sometimes or often, sucks. Your supposed to smile anyway, you son of a b! Be positive for christ sake so you don’t make others feel bad! Never EVER tell them how you really feel!

I’m aware of my horrible language but I’m so over always excusing myself, always feeling the pressure of ‘having to do something good for the society’, always feeling the pressure to write positive quotes and tell the whole world of ‘how grateful I am for…’.

I’m so tired. So terrible tired. I can’t see how I can go on like this, year in and year out. 

What you want others to think of you

I know that my closest friends and relatives don’t mind me telling the truth but I don’t want them to think that I’m a ‘complaining’ and ‘depressing’ person.

A split personality

At the same time I think of all the things I want to do that gives me joy. Like becoming instructor in yoga for youth and kids. Hold classes in mindfulness for others with chronic illnesses. (Because I can guarantee them, by own experience, that learning to breath the right way can help you thru an anxiety-attack.) And I want to have yoga for those who needs a chair to yoga. Yoga for those who can’t perform advanced positions (like the dog with is arse facing the sky).

And I want to have a dog that I can take out even if I’m in my wheelchair. But we have never taught him how to walk without running infront of our legs or without over-stretching the leash. Finally we have found a good dog trainer and started in her class!

No surprise; our dog was the one who was the least obedient one in the class… It was so obvious where we went wrong in our parenting, listen to her theory-lessons at the same time as I reflected over our dogs behavior…

 

 

At the same time I feel the expectations from the world around me that they want me to feel good and do my best. I feel the expectations that I shall ‘think positive and conquer my physical impairments and do great things’.

Somewhere deep inside I yet hope that someone out there feels “it isn’t just me who is struggling” and being helped of mine oh so depressing posts on ‘my’ social medias.

Then comes the lightning

Today we finally got to see the sun!!! In my ‘sunny-corner’ on our patio it has been warm enough to show my legs and arms. (praying to the higher powers that I will get another skin tone than that ‘corpse-white’ they’ve now got.) Unfortunately it’s still cold everywhere else outside my ‘sunny-corner’ but there’s hope. I know I will feel a little more happy if we get a sunny and warm summer, but I live in Sweden, so…

 

It’s not much I’ve written in this post but still it has taking me two days to write it. I think I’ve mentioned it earlier in the post – I’m so tired 😉 Please excuse this post for the strangeness in it’s first heading. I don’t understand how I made that read background that pops up and I can’t change it back…

In terms of Covid -19

I hope that raging virus treats you gentle and no-one close to you will get seriously ill. Even if I’ve got PPMS and just got my antibody treatment I’m not worried for my own sake. I’m more worried about my parentes and parents in law and my sister in law (she also have treatment for MS, not the same kind of MS as me, though). My belief is that it’s dangerous for those who ‘the normal’ influensa is dangerous to. Covid -19 has just spread more than ‘the normal’ flue. That is what I believe, not claiming I’m right.

How do you deal when you get your anxiety-attacks and what are your triggers? Love to hear from you!

/Fina

 

All you need to know about coping strategies and where you find them

My intention with this post is to tell you about what a copingstrategy is. And why  they excist. Where can you find them? In the supermarket? Did you know that we are born with some of these strategies? If we don´t have problems with our nervous system we will draw back our hand if burn it. Our coping strategy is to stay away from burning thingies…

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